So Effing Stupid

I really can't save this relationship . Its gone . Its all gone . These feelings that are in my heart are painful . I wish this wasnt happening . I wish he'd come and talk about this . If he would just stop running away from all this . I am always the one who picks up the fucking slack . I am the one who has to gather the courage and get my ass over there and try to make him happy . But where is my part ? I have no fucking part . He has never worked at our relationship . I had to do it alone . I had put in all of my heart in making him happy . Avoiding the fact that I was never happy in this relationship . Yes I am sad . Yes I am angry . I am everything but happy ! My friends have tried to get me to dump him but I said NO . Some of you may not understand why I did not go ahead and leave him .

Because I believed that he still cares . I am a fucking idiot for believing . I was the only one trying so hard to make all of this right . He refused to help . It hurt that he had regretted being with me sometimes . No matter what hurtful things he had said these days , I had to take it and swallow it . There was no help from anyone . My soul has died trying to save all of this . I felt alone . Insecure . Upset . Stabbed . IT was like the ceiling was slowly crashing down on me . Crying somewhere no one could hear me . He was never there . My fantasies had all died in these few months . Everything about me has died .My body is so tired of trying.