Hello freaks of nature . =) Last night was the last performance of the year . Hugs and laughter were given to each and everyone of us . We all wanted to cry . Me too . I am not going back next year due to PMR . But will be rejoining during Christmas season . Would be missing China performance which is super sad . I want to go so badlyy . So sad . I actually lost my voice when we got back from Miri so it didnt recover fully when the KL performances started . Then on Saturday , on stage , I had to lip sing . Because of my condition . So then I thought , " Tomorrow is my last night till the end of next year . " It broke my heart thinking that I wouldnt be singing till end of 2010 . I loved this . I loved the feeling that I am belting out melodies . I just loved it . No doubt about it . <33

Hello KL =)***

Hello ! Its been awhile since I've blogged . So here it is . I just got back from the Operafest tour . A lot happened during that time in Kuching and Miri . It was fun performing . But the best one I liked was the performance in the hospital for children with cancer . They were all so adorable . We all became very emotional . It was sad to see all these kids suffering to fight cancer . I hope our performance made their day . I absolutely loved the children there . Sad to see them suffer at their age . I really want to do that again . We also gave them presents . The presents were sponsored by DiGi . Operafest represented DiGi . LOL .

Hello December =)

This month has just started and there are already some things that has happened which we all did not want . My relative , Uncle Joe has passed on . Its sad . But it was bound to happen . I'm both happy and sad that he's gone . I'm happy because his pain has ended . I had heard from my dad that during family gatherings , he never came out anymore . He was ashamed of what he'd look like . My uncle had lost his pigmens and turned white . I could undersatnd that he was afraid of what people would think of him . There was no need of shame Uncle . This loss had a very big impact on all of us .

R.I.P Uncle Joe . You will be missed .

Baby , I Love Your Hugs !

I absolutely loved last night . The highlight of my holidays I guess . Haha . We got along really well . I was actually having fun ! Haha . Bumping butts was funny . It was all dark and stuff you couldnt see what people were doing . I could have just kissed him right there . Hahaha . Yeah right . LOL . When he wanted to go back , I walked him over to Kemuncak then I said , " Bi , you still owe me something " . Then he said , " Yeah I know . Your hug and your kiss ". I giggled . So he kept walking . I saw my dads car wasnt there . As he walked , I counted to ten . ( I know , I know . Lame ) Step by step , he suddenly said my name and called me over . Then he pulled me to him and hugged me which lasted for like 5minutes . It was heaven .


I Love You Ridzuan Yusoff Roberts . You've Stolen My Heart .
<3

30th December Baby . ^^

The Birthday Girl = )***

Hello people . I'm back on board to blogger . Haha . So anyway , yesterday was Ridzuan's birthday and also Julia's birthday party . It was loads of fun . Even though it was raining . We were all wet and stuff . The party was like a BBQ so yeah . Haha . Ira and Aiman were fighting . And we found out that Aiman Speed Dates on Facebook . Despo much ? Hahaha . Some of us got wet . My new sneakers kena Tepung . Haha . Inara got all white cause of the Tepung . Cute . Azizi got Julia a plushie , I got Julia a pencil case , Ira got her a mug , Ridzuan a bracelet , Nadzri a bracelet as well , Azim chocolates , Ku got her aromatic candles ( Haha ) .. The rest I cant remember . Haha . Oh yeahhhh . Since it was Ridzuan's birthday , Julia got him .... CONDOMS . Ahahahahaha . That was so funny . Then everyone pointed and shouted , " Tu ha . Tester kat sana . " And they were pointing at me . WTF . Haha . Loads of fun !!

I'm Trying .

When I think of all the things you've done to make me fall in love with you , I start to cry . Before the both of us got together , you were so sweet . Dont get me wrong . You still are . Before all of this , you texted me in the morning . First one to say good morning . Your words were in my head all day . Your voice . But now , when I see you , you give me smiles sometimes . Others are hatred , disgust . I dont get it . It hurts to hear people telling me you like other people . It hurts . I never ask of you . NEVER . But , it seems , I'm not good enough for you . Never was . I've tried to make you happy . I've tried . Tried so hard that my faith in this has died . You wouldnt help me . I want to say so many things to you . I dont hate you one bit . No . I love you so much that I could just give you my life so you could have yours . I'm wasting my time . I'm killing myself every single second . But I love you . Its worth it . You might not love me anymore . But I'll deal with that on my own . It'll cause me pain , but I have no other choice . ILY Ridzuan Yusoff Roberts <3

Mine Mine MINE ! =DD

No . I'm NOT .

You know when people say things about you , which are soo not true and they mean ? Same goes for people calling you a slut . What the hell is your problem . Yes , I got like 4 boyfriends this year . I wear sleeveless clothing . Yes I wear mini skirts . And your point is ? So ? I will wear what I want to and when I feel like it you bitch . Who are you to judge ? Whats wrong with my photos ? WHATS WRONG WITH WHAT I DO ??? HUH ?! Dont go calling me a slut , and saying that I'm a heartless person . Actually , I am much more nicer than you . You know it . So backoff or I will make your life a living nightmare . You're more slutty than a prostitute . Go look in the mirror before you spread rumours about me . Got it ? Orang tengah enjoy holidays , You pergi cakap kat orang that I am bla bla bla , You tak de kerja lain ke ha ??? Get a life you bitch . Suka hati je kau eh nak panggil orang Slut . Tengok la diri dulu before you call someone else a Slut , Prostitute , Heartless and a Player . Please la kayy . When you find out that you are the one that turned out to be the things you've called me , go spread the facts .
Go To HELL . Slut


Yous truly ,

Vanelle <33

You Actually CARE ???

Haha . WOW ! Its weird . Yesterday , Amanda came over and played Guitar Hero . Which helped me prevent from texting HIM . Haha . So it was like this :



HIM : So you going to Julia's birthday ?



HER : Yes . ( BTW , I kept it short . Showing that I wasnt interested ^^ )



HIM : Kay . I'll see you then .



HER : ( I didnt reply . I am sooo proud of myself ! Haha ! )





So Amanda and I finished playing Guitar Hero , then we went behind to play with the chipmunks . Haha . She was afraid to feed them . Scared that they'd bite her . One of the chipmunks was so greedy , took all the nuts , and stuffed them into its cheeks . Fat fat . Haha . So cute ^^ . Sfetr all the feeding , we talked about what we'd get for her birthday . Haha . We soo dont have time to go out . Since my trip is coming up . Haha . Amanda left at four cause she had a piano thing to attend . At around six-ish , HE texted me . LOL .

HIM : So are you still unwell ? How are you feeling ?

HER : I'm still sick . Bodyache and all . Not feeling good .

HIM : If you still sick then why force yourself go to Julia's ?

HER : ( * YOU CARE ???? 0.0 * ) Nah . I'll be fine . I have to go . = )

HIM : Kay . If you're sure .

HER : Yeah . Bye .



Thats the end . Actually I said bye , but he kept replying . Normally its me who wants to talk , but now him ?? Dont get me wrong , Its just weird . He NEVER texts me first . Haha . Get the point ? LOL .
I guess thats it . For now . Ngaa ~
Bye !

Award To Myself .

Have you ever come across a feeling that you are te worst daughter/son ever ? I have . Well , it started when I first found out how much my trip and my choir vest cost . It was soo " OMFG . You are joking right ??! " . I'd rather not say how much it all came down to . I am blessed that Mummy didn't really say much . Just really shocked and gave me THE MOM LECTURE . Haih . That was when I realised that I am a hopeless daughter . Argh . I felt really bad . I definitely want to do better in life . But I keep procastinating for some reason . I cant stop . Argh . Suck . I have totally deserted everything . I wanna be a better person . No more throwing a tantrum , no more laziness , NO MORE . I am sick of myself . I no longer love what I am . Don't wanna be a failure .

You're staying ?? OMG ! ILY <33

Shocker of the day ? He is not moving ! Baby , I love you ! Haha . I wonder why he faked it ?? Oh well . To make me miss him ? LOL . I dunno . Sometimes I just don't get him . Here's the story .



Got home from the Reunion , changed , showered , wanted to sleep for awhile as for I was not feeling well .Before going to Dream Land , I decided to send a last text message to him before he left . I was broken hearted . But I had to . So after sending that SMS , I put my phone on silent , cause I didnt want to hear anything and I wanted to sleep peacefully . At 8.50 pm , I woke up , hearing the sound of my mums laughter . Got up , took my phone , saw 5 text messages . 3 were from Ridz , 1 from Trace and another from Reva . The first one I opened was Ridzuan 's saying " Thanks . Maybe I'll see you next year " . Second one " So are you going to Julia's birthday party ?? " And the last one " Ok . I tell you the truth .. I .... Am ... Not ... Going ... To ... Indon . " OMG right ?? Haha . I know .I wonder why he was lying . I was so upset when I remembered he was moving . I actually cried . I love him . Well , I am sooo happy he's staying . !


Note *** : To my Hunny 's , I am sorry . But I cant leave him . Sorry babes .

Lots of kisses ,
-Vee-

Reunion ( After )

Hello . I'm back home . Actually , I have been home since 6.30pm . So what the heck . Haha . Moving along , the total review is that the band was totally awesome . You guys were awesome . That was the best part of it . Others , not so much . Oh well . At least it was kinda fun . Haha . Sorry . Lalala ~ I cant think of anything else . I wanna say something else about the reunion . But I cant remember . Haha . Oh well .

The Reunion ( Before )

Sorry I haven't been updating you . LOL . Today's problem is that I am attending the reunion . Its this thing the students have organized for us 2007 students . So anyway , I just have this feeling of anxiety , fear and awkwardness . I feels theres something wrong or maybe its just that I am thinking too much . Dunno . Everything is a blur to me . Grr . Ugh . I feel sick . Really vervous right now . Yeech . I will tell you what happened later when i come home .
See ya .

Mind Map

I havent been updating my blog for a few days already . Ok . So heres a recap of everything .
a) Thigzy is currently in Singapore . Shes angry that she cant go to school .
b) Yesterday was the last day of school
c) Me and him are currently alright .
d) Its all shaking .

So anyway , life couldnt be anymore normal . But its life . I'm sad that 2009 is going to end . I will miss the memories . Its sad that I have to move forward without one of my most treasured friend , Amanda . Honey , I'll miss you . We'll all miss your randomness , noise and awesome-ness .


I'll be Form 3 next year which means PMR . Though , I am quite excited . Honestly . Haha . I guess thats it .
Ciao

We Are DREAMERS .

Hmmm . Afiqah gave me a reason to wonder about this topic . DREAMS . Dreams are meant to be brought to life . They do not remain just dreams . From dreams , we think about the possibilities we'd have with the dream . It makes me wonder whether its worth the while to the end . For example , you think about your dream wedding a few times . The you tell your friends . While you tell them about it , they give you a ( Your dream wedding ? Are you serious ? You have got to be joking ) kind of look . So the first thing that comes to mind is ( Oh God , I sound so stupid right now ) . Am I right ? But actually , its not stupid . I repeat , ITS NOT STUPID ! Dreams are meant to be made reality . Its what keeps us going forward in life . Would Beyonce be the best today if it werent for her dreams ? I dont think so . Those people think your dreams are stupid , they suck . LOSERS .
They have no dream . They want nothing in life . Sore losers . How sad . No dreams they want . No goals in life . You are just so sad . MAKE YOUR LIFE COMPLETE !

Our Silence . BROKEN .

Haha . This time I am not going to tell you about something sad . I am now telling you something that Amanda , Alisa and I did today . Well , the three of us got bored so we went of to walk randomly . We ended up in the stinky PINK yucky dirty Girls Bathroom . Argh . So much for girls being clean . So much for that . Haha . Amanda was too busy texting * Ahem Ahem * so she didnt really pay attention . Alisa and I disappeared to go into my classroom . Being all spy like . But we sucked at it . = ) After a few minutes , Amanda came in . All of us tried to keep rally REALLY quiet . But we kept knocking stuff . Tables , chairs , each other . Alisa and Amanda found newspaper lying about in the class and decided to have a newspaper fight . They wrapped a few pieces together and started hitting each other . They made noise . Haih . And they said I was noisy . = .= So childish . Haha . CHILDREN RAWK ! Haha . They got all red and their hands were painful . Finally they gave up . FINALLY . Haha . So Alisa felt tired , sleepy . So Amanda took 6 chairs , joined them together , and layed down , falling asleep . Took a picture of it . Mwahahahaha ! Ngeee ~

Her In The Picture . Damn .

You dont have to tell me what the meaning of JEALOUSY is . I already know ! Todays story of Him taking a picture with a GIRL . Okok . They were in it alone . There was a teacher and another guy . But seriously . Aiman called later after I saw the picture . He asked whether he and I were still together . So we talked and talked . Bla bla bla . When it came to the topic about the picture , I got really jealous . Its silly . I know . But I am the kind of person who gets a little paranoid . He is my boyfriend . Seriously ? On the way to Science tuition , I texted him and told him what I'd felt about the whole situation . He said she was just a friend . ( Typical . All guys say that . ) Anyway , he also stated that he was happy with me . I wasn't really 100% believing him . I know I know . Relationships are based on trust and believing . ( Is that the same thing ? Not sure ) I felt this twinge in my heart that he might like her for real . I just don't know what to believe right now . This is horrible . I wish I could buzz into his mind . Even if he does like her , I would rather that he told me the truth and I would let him go so that he wouldn't have to hide that fact he likes her . I have no confidence right now .

TRUTH . = (

I hate the feeling when I feel that I am all alone in this evil world . Seconds , minutes , hours , days and years go by . But what is the reason ? To make this world a better place . Precious seconds are wasted doing bad things . Everything God has created for us is now crumbling before our eyes . Do you believe that there is still hope for us ? For Earth ? For our lives ? Spare a minute to think . I may not be contributing much to this world of ours . But I am asking for help . I want to live longer . We all do . For us 1995 babies , 2012 is when we are taking our SPM's . Its not fair that we study like mad and in the middle of our journey , it all comes to an end . We're all dead . These dates of the Earth coming to an end may be only predictions , but who knows ? Some of you may think this is crap . But it may happen . This world of ours has many possibilities . We have only 3 years left to change . Its not much , at least try to do something . For generations yet to come . For all those dreams you 've had . For the possibilities yet to occur . Your childhood dreams , ambitions for you to persue . Think about it . Effort . The journey that we have gone through over the years . Are wasted because of those who didnt care about Earth .

-VanessaVee-

So Effing Stupid

I really can't save this relationship . Its gone . Its all gone . These feelings that are in my heart are painful . I wish this wasnt happening . I wish he'd come and talk about this . If he would just stop running away from all this . I am always the one who picks up the fucking slack . I am the one who has to gather the courage and get my ass over there and try to make him happy . But where is my part ? I have no fucking part . He has never worked at our relationship . I had to do it alone . I had put in all of my heart in making him happy . Avoiding the fact that I was never happy in this relationship . Yes I am sad . Yes I am angry . I am everything but happy ! My friends have tried to get me to dump him but I said NO . Some of you may not understand why I did not go ahead and leave him .

Because I believed that he still cares . I am a fucking idiot for believing . I was the only one trying so hard to make all of this right . He refused to help . It hurt that he had regretted being with me sometimes . No matter what hurtful things he had said these days , I had to take it and swallow it . There was no help from anyone . My soul has died trying to save all of this . I felt alone . Insecure . Upset . Stabbed . IT was like the ceiling was slowly crashing down on me . Crying somewhere no one could hear me . He was never there . My fantasies had all died in these few months . Everything about me has died .My body is so tired of trying.

Running , Jumping and Tables = )

Ello . Today was FUN ! You people are loser's for not being there . Lol . Amanda , Thigz , Nadhine and I were in the Computer Lab finishing my KH work . Then after handling it all , we decided to play Hide and Seek . Haha . It was funny . Thigz tried to hide in a garbage bag in the Third Round . Amanda hid in a cupboard which was quite small . Surprising . Nadhine and I couldn 't help laughing while hiding . So much for hiding .Eventually we got bored of Hide and Seek so we decided to play Ice and Fire Tag . Childish but fun . Haha . Amanda had avoided being iced by jumping on the tables and table to table . It was funny . I always got iced . ^^
Great fun . Hmmm . Stephanie and Alisa are mad for some reason . IDK . I dont really care . Ok they are my bestfriends . But still .
LOL . I guess thats all . Ciao .

Its Called ' LIFE '

Its Really Really Weird .

If you say to someone that you hated their attitude of forgetting you ? I get it that you'd be mad if your other half thought that you forgot them . But actually , they are stuck in your brain every single momment . He said I always forget him . But he is wrong . Wayyy wrong . His name , his face , his voice , everything about him is stuck in my brain .He is like a drug to me .So anyway , he said I had always forgotten him . Then he didnt want to forgive me . So bla bla bla . On and on . Then finally I said I never ever let him out of my mind . He took awhile for him to come around . At the end I had suceeded . At school today was fine , until after the muslim's prayers . When I turned around , he was there with Akmal .
Then the next thing you know , he runs away . Argh . I just dont get it . I just let him be .Anyway , we found Puan Nasrah . Sha and I followed her to the Computer Lab . And guess who appeared behind us . HIM . While he was heading my way , he made the sound of a chicken . I got so angry and started yelling at him .


Me : Look who is running now !

Him : Do I look like I am running .

Me : Just now you ran from me right ? !

Him : Where got ? !


After that I walked away . I felt horrible .
I wanted to say sorry .

SORRY HONEY . I DIDN'T MEAN IT .

In The Middle Happy . = )

Hello again . Well everything is fine now . He thought I had most of the time forgotten him . Of course not . How could you forget your own boyfriend ? That is lame . This emotion right now is HAPPYLAND . I feel okay for now . We just needed to talk things out so we can make things better . I might be only 14 , but I know my stuff . I dont mind to fight once in awhile . But everyday ? Theres something wrong . I have thought of letting him go last night . The reason for that is because I realised that I had most of the time made him upset or angry . So the sake of his happiness , I had to force myself . My tears started pouring out from my eyes when I imagined the situation . It felt like hell . It was painful . My heart was stabbed . This feeling killed my soul . I almost died of pain .
But I Love Him .
= )
HAPPYLAND

No Matter How Hard I Try

I wonder if I could cope being without you . You are like the warmth on a snowy day . You are definitely one of a kind . But what in the world happened to us ? It felt like my whole world crumbled . As if a vase dropped from my grasp and shattered on the floor . I have tried so hard to glue that vase back together , but it kept falling apart . Over a thousand times I have tried . It wouldnt work . Why ?


Me : Can we talk ? I will not repeat my mistake if you talk to me .

Him : What you want ?

Me : Will you stop giving me the silent treatment ? You have already punished me .

Him : Just tell me what you want .

Me : Will you stop being mad at me ? I am so desperate now . Could you at least talk to me nicely ?

Him : Hey ! You ignore me then I ignore you . Its fair right ?

Me : I had a reason . Your reason reason is just cause I didnt want to talk to you . Honestly , I really did want to talk . I missed you . Did you even want to talk to me yesterday ? ?

Him : AHHH ! Just leave me alone la .

Me : Please dont do this . I know you so totally hate me right now . I make you angry and upset all the time . Face it . You dont want me .

Him : Ok . Fine . So I will tink about it ok ? Good Night .




-END-

Facebook | Photos of You

Facebook Photos of You

My Life As A Drama Queen. (6 November 2009)

Yester day was the Jamuan Kelas celebrating DeepaRaya and Hari Raya . It was loads of fun . We took so many pictures . Steff went crazy with the camera . I realised that I didn't actually need him to be happy . Though I miss spending time with him. There is no warning what would happen between us . I have tried to prevent it . But it wouldn't work . Thigzy , I can't let go . I'll die if I do so . Its not fair to me . I know . But I have totally lost everything .

I don't want this . I didn't ask for it . Anyway , back to the Jamuan Day , Steff went cam wall crazy . Haha . We took random photos . We totally had sooo much freaking fun ! WooHoo !

You know , as life goes on , I can't help but think why I am still with you . I am always badly treated , and hurt . Maybe I am too stubborn to see that I can't be with you at all . Looking at all the photos in Myspace , I'm jealous to see other couples are doing so well . They hardly had problems . When I finally did something right , you make it feel wrong . I Love You so badly . Eventhough I sound desperate , its how I feel . When we first started , I thought everything was perfect . We loved meeting up on saturday . Everything about us felt so great . But then after a few weeks , we started to fight . The bad kind . I cried so many times because of you . I felt misery , pain , and I felt like I could die . Just for you . I was helpless . You always trashed me most of the time . I know you dont mean to do it . I know its your attitude . But at least cut me some slack . I still love you after what you have done to me .
You have killed me inside .
I Love You .

-Vee-

Entry 1

There is definitely no way to explain what I feel right now. Its all hurt, pain, anger, regret….I wonder wether I have made the right choice. I feel like I want to scream and cry. I’m not sure wether he understands what being TOGETHER is about. Maybe I was wrong. What did he mean by “Why should I sms you when I am having fun.!” These words…Run around in my head. It hurt so bad. I only feel anger at this point. He just ran a knife through my heart. OK. Its fine with me if he wants to be that way. But he has done this a few times. I don’t know how long I can cope with all of this. I definitely want to be with him for a long time. Of course I love him. Its just that he needs to watch his ways and think about how other people would feel. No matter how mad I get, I still adore him. So he just sent me a voice recording, saying he forgave me. Fine. I can accept that But it is definitely his fault.

-Vee-